Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Sir Winston Churchill
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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Humphrey Bogart
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
George Best
Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.
Harold Rudolph
This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.
Samuel Johnson
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At this time of year, apples fall off trees onto the ground where they rot and ferment. Elk and moose eat the fermented apples and become intoxicated. This moose was apparently drunk when it decided to go after an apple still hanging from a branch on the tree.
The group managed to saw enough branches off that the drunken moose was finally able to slide out of the tree. It stumbled a few feet away from the tree, collapsed on the ground and went to sleep.
Having sobered up as it slept, the moose woke up the next morning, got up on its feet and slowly walked away.
