May the winds of fortune sail you,
May you sail a gentle sea.
May it always be the other guy
who says, ‘this drink’s on me.’

I know I’ve got Irish blood because I wake up everyday with a hangover.

Moderation is a fatal thing— nothing succeeds like excess.

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let’s all get drunk, and go to heaven!

You can always retake a class, but you can never relive a party.